September 3

Hey Internets!

Life!

Life has a funny way of grabbing your attention and holding on like a rabid dog. For the last three months Fido has held on tenaciously. In these last couple of days things have begun to calm down a bit and I feel like I can actually take a deep breath.

What HAVE I been doing with myself for the last 3 months?

Well…

* Just hours after I hit publish on my last entry, my father-in-law passed away and we have been dealing with caring for my mother-in-law and other…issues on a daily basis. Nightmare doesn’t EVEN come close to describe what I’ve been dealing with.

{We interrupt this blog to bring you a public service announcement}

Internets…on behalf of your surviving loved ones please…I beg of you…get your affairs in order! Clean out your junk! Throw it away, have a yard sale, bon fire..something…anything! Make a will! Leave info for your children in a place where they can find it! Tell your loved ones your wishes now. It will make life easier for everyone concerned.

* Superman’s health hasn’t been the best for the last 7 years, but the stress of the last 3 months has taken a heavy toll.

* The beginning of August he had carpel tunnel surgery on both hands.

* 2 weeks ago he had a grand mal seizure.

I, being the good wife that I am called 911 immediately.

911: What is your emergency
Me: our address…babble.. babble..husband…seizure..babble…babble…babble…
911: Okay, we’ll send someone right away. Is he breathing?
Me: He’s really struggling…please…get here now!! more incoherent babble
911: I’ve got them dispatched.
Me: Please…hurry….(after hearing the sirens) oh…god…oh…god…I’m naked!!!!

{yeah…I’m THAT caller}

Me: (meanwhile I’ve left Superman laying in his bed, foaming and struggling to breathe so I can go get dressed) I’m ever so great in an emergency!
911: Ma’am….ma’am…hello…ma’am… Is he still breathing?
Me: (pulling on a shirt) I don’t knowuh!!! I’m getting dressed so you!! don’t see!! me!! NAAKED!!!

{THAT caller}

~~in my defense, I was just slightly unhinged at this point~~

(blink..blink…blink…oh…dear…this is being recorded…crap!!!)I run back to Superman and hold him upright so that he didn’t seem to choke as much…because serious wife. of. the. year. competitor coming through…

By this time they are right out front and I realize that the front door is locked. I just drop him back on the bed and run downstairs to unlock the door.

As I followed the gurney out the door, all I could think was…”you had better not scratch my brand new porch people…not my porch!”

Wife of the year material here people!!!…where IS my award???

He had another one again this week, but this time I was prepared. I had my nightgown on!

I have been waving the surrender flag at life for the last 2 months. I’ve waved it, waved it higher, thrown it, beat it on the ground, stomped on it and now it is wrapped around my shoulders like a blankie while I lay on the couch and suck my thumb.

I feel like Rocky at the end of the first movie…beaten to a pulp, but still standing.

My “Adrian”??? A ship called the Enchantment of the Seas…sailing for Nassau at the end of this month. I will be on it, releasing that horrible white flag as I sail away!