April 13

Hey Internets!

 

How have you been?

 

I have been friends with the lady that lives across the street for about 5 years now.  She has the cutest kids. I heart them all.

 

She texted me the other day and said “I didn’t realize how much pink you wear.   I was teaching the 3 year old the difference between boy/man and girl/woman.   I said to him “so what is CC?”  and he said “ummmm pink”

 

I am pink!

 

 

April 11

Today is mine and Superman’s 20th wedding anniversary.

 

20 years.   I can’t hardly believe it has been that long.

 

At times, time seemed to stand still and other times, time flew by.

 

And in the day of so many divorces, I’m happy to say that we are still together.

April 9

Or a good working title would be There and Back Again by Chocolatechic

The summer of 2010 started out just lovely.

The boy got married.

His wife got pregnant.

The girl turned 18 and it was her Senior year. I was excited for all these things and what they meant, but a week after the girl turned 18, she packed some of her clothes, told me she quit school and left.

I had no idea where she was and for the next month I was beyond worried sick. I can not begin to tell you the hell I went through. I didn’t hear from her for some time, or even know where she was. A few weeks before Christmas she came home.

During this time I also didn’t hear from the boy.  I knew that I would now be put on the back burner because he had a family that needed to come first, as it should be.  I emailed him and texted him. He responded every once in awhile, but  I did not expect to be ignored so completely.

Then in January, the girl went to spend a few weeks with my parents….and didn’t come home.

I was asked not to contact her in any way.

Family talked about me behind my back. Cruel things were written about me on Facebook and were laughed about.

I didn’t see/hear from the boy but about once a month for 5-10 minutes when he would drop off a car payment.

The ONLY thing that got me out of my bed in the morning was my job, and on the weekends I didn’t even bother.  Why should I.   The very people that I had given my heart and being to for the last 20 years walked away without a look back.

I just stopped.

I stopped sewing.

I stopped knitting.

I stopped sleeping.

I stopped blogging.

I stopped reading.

I stopped cooking and baking.

I put my camera away.

I didn’t eat chocolate for months and I stopped going to church.

All this time, Superman was my rock, but even he didn’t know the extent of the torment I was going through.  No one did.   He didn’t know that I cried myself to the point of being sick every morning after he left. He didn’t know I wasn’t sleeping,  he wasn’t aware of just how low I had sunk. My therapist got me some anti-depressants and that kept me functioning.

When we didn’t hear from the chips on Mother’s day OR Father’s Day, Superman broke. I had seen him sad during this time and even upset on my behalf, but I had never seen him so angry. He decided that we were going to move and for the first time in my life I actually looked forward to moving. We considered Texas or North Dakota. There were 2 things that kept us here. 1. Because of the housing situation, our house wouldn’t have sold, and 2. we hoped that at some point we would be able to have some sort of a relationship with our granddaughter.

Finally around the end of Summer, I had a long talk with the boy. He told me some things that he was feeling that I had no idea about, and I shared some things he had no idea about, and I thought that our relationship would begin to mend.

At Christmas time, the girl came home for a month, and we had a good time together. I begged her to come home, but I didn’t think she would.  In February she did.  Things with her are improving every day.

Just last week I quit my job.

I have been putting a lot of energy into the girl and my relationship and I wasn’t seeing Superman hardly at all. Family is more important than money, so I quit.

Things are beginning to look up.   I’m beginning to look up.   My heart still has a long way to go before it will smile again, but I’m getting better every day.