November 17

Hey there Internet.

Today’s post will not be a happy one.

So if you are looking for laughs, click off of here and go check out Pioneer Woman’s recent post on her photography portion of her blog.

If not, keep on reading.

These last 6 months have been rather brutal, emotionally,  and I have cried more in these last 6 months than I have in the last 7 years put together.

Blow after hard blow has come to the Chocolatechic house.

The latest is that my nest is now truly empty.

About a month ago, the girl ran away. We knew where she was, but now that she is 18, there wasn’t a thing that we could do about it.

I had held out hope that she would return since she only took a duffel bag with her when she left.

But last night, she came over and boxed up all her things so she could move in with a family who’s last name I don’t even know, and who’s morals do not match the ones she grew up with.

When you have children you have a mental list of things that you want to teach them.

For me it was…

Love God and serve Him.

Respect.

Responsibility.

Gratefulness.

Honestly.

Integrity.

Kindness.

Self-sufficiency.

You do your absolute best to instill those things.   When they move out, you begin to see the huge gaping holes in the job that you did.

Huge.

Gaping.

I won’t elaborate on all the gritty details, but daily I find myself face down, crushed on the floor of humanity.

I grieve.

I grieve hard, and I grieve much.

Now the holiday’s loom.   Sad, lonely, and uninviting.

And I find myself sad, lonely and uninviting.

I plan to continue to blog, as I desperately need an outlet,  but since my main source of blog fodder is gone it won’t be as frequent.

 

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chocolatechic

Just an average wife, mother, and homeschooling woman

48 thoughts on “November 17”

  1. Oh my goodness, Tanya, I am so very sorry. I have lived through some heartache with my children and at times it is unbearable. But this is really something terrible to read. I am so very sorry. I will be praying that Satan releases his grasp on your precious daughter and she comes back to Him. And to you.

  2. Oh My Goodness! I am so so sorry…it is hard enough when they leave under normal conditions (which they all must eventually).
    From your pictures and stories I would, never have guessed….

    I know this is hard, but I remember someone who was kind of rebellious at one point (me) and eventually (and not to far in the distance for “childhood”), I came back and my mother and I were stronger then ever…let her grow up..your “lessons” are imbedded and strong…
    “If you really love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours……” I won’t quote the last part because parents, especially mothers, are never far from their children, and of course, always meant to be…
    She will come back..let her grow up and test waters out for herself…Pray that she is safe and protected while she is “testing”….
    Please Please, if she does choose to “believe” different then she was brought up as, PLEASE do not cut her off…she is still your daughter..she will come back to you…

    1. Janie, we never saw it coming either. Not in a million years would I have guessed this.

      I will never cut her off, and she knows this. I have told both of my kiddos that nothing that they do will ever lessen my love for them.

  3. I am sad to hear you going through this, our daughter left her senior year in high school and moved in with her boyfriend at the time. I continued to pray for her safety and for my sanity. She would call only when she needed something or when something went bad. I left the line of communication open she did come home after about a year. There were lingering emotional issues that have taken a couple of years to resolve but she is almost back to being whole. The one thing that helped was a couple of books one by Charles Swindoll on the life of Job and the other by Stormie O’Martian about praying for your children. Even when she wasn’t here I would continue to use the prayers to reach out to her. Also, placing her in God’s hands because He sees her and what is happening and can use the Holy Spirit to keep her safe. Please contact me if there is anything I can do for you, will add you and your family to my prayers. We Tanya’s have to stick together.

  4. I will have you all in my prayers. Praying for a hedge of protection around your daughter. For God to bring her back to her roots..the roots of her Heavenly Father.
    I am praying for God to comfort you in these hard days..you are such a lovely person…
    much love & prayers

  5. You don’t know me; I’m a lurker. My heart breaks for you. I’ll be praying for you, your daughter, and the rest of your family. Please take care of yourself.

  6. Tanya,,,my heart breaks and grives for you. Like others, from your post and pictures, I would never expect this action from your precious daughter. God loves all of you and you are faithful to him. Continue to cling to Him and pray. I will hold you tightly in prayer for your comfort and strength. I will also beseech Him to bring your daughter back into His fold and yours. ((((HUGS))))

  7. Tanya:
    My heart is hurts for you guys. I never would have thought this. You have been on my heart so much and I never knew why, but knew I needed to pray for you. You have helped me so much in the past few months. Let me know if you need anything.

  8. No! No! No! No!

    No sadness.

    No regret.

    No blame.

    You can be upset that she’s chosen a path not on the map you gave her, but NOTHING she does has ANYTHING to do with how you parented her! Believe me when I tell you that I’ve been where you are! The boy I raised, the boy I protected, the boy I dreamed would achieve truly great and wonderful things poked HUGE holes in his precious body, tattooed himself with symbols NO MOTHER should EVER see on her baby, began smoking and has done his level-best to undo all the care and direction my husband and I provided. Today our precious baby is likely to soon lose his freedom due to the poor decisions he’s made, (over and over) and will eventually have to have surgery to have his earlobes repaired from the stretching.

    Like you, I spent time face down on the floor sobbing… And, I wondered how two boys, both born of the same parents, raised in the same household could grow up to be such polar-opposites – one is serving his country while the other could serve time. But in the end, although I don’t sleep well at night from worry over BOTH boys, I know I did everything a parent could possibly do to love, guide, keep safe, and provide for their child/ren.

    So you my dear follow my lead… In June I snapped out of it and decided to focus on MYSELF. Because I realized the focus I was directing at my son, (to get him to change his mind about the path he is on) was not being appreciated. I began to focus on getting myself healthy – Since June 1st I’ve dropped nearly 80 pounds, I’m working out after work now and I feel MUCH better! I just decided that I could either let worry lay me in the ground, or I could take care of myself and live long enough to see how the stories of my son’s lives plays out. I know I want to be around for the day our youngest GETS A CLUE! And, I want to be there for the day our Ranger comes home for good and goes back to college.

    PLEASE know you are (never) alone. Hang on to your Superman… One of the best things about an empty nest, and there are MANY best things, is that we get to get back to being a couple. It feels like we’re 19 and 25 again… We’ll celebrate our 25th anniversary in a few weeks and while I would LOVE (and always imagined) to have my sons around us to celebrate, the fact is that they are both adults and are driving their own lives. We’ll always be here for them, especially if they end up in a ditch; however, I’ve learned the hard way that my dreams for won’t always be their dreams. Painful? You bet! But we parents are entitled to our lives too! So grab ahold of your sweet self, dust yourself off and show that girl of yours how a real woman handles disappointment!

  9. I’m praying for you…she’s streaching her wings, but she’ll come home. You have given her a good foundation and she knows it, she’s just hungry for life experiences. She’ll learn and grow. We will all pray that she’ll be safe and realize quickly that her family and home are what are important and where she belongs. Please, keep your spirits up. You are a bright spot in so many peoples lives with your blog, just remember that you matter to alot of people and we are all praying and that will make a difference.

  10. You are not alone in this battle…I have been there myself and I know the pain and sorrow you are experiencing.

    Give her time to figure it all out, and keep praying. She will return to you – maybe not as quickly as you would like, but she will.

    You are and have been a wonderful mother, so please don’t blame yourself. Just remember that God is in control and sometimes it takes a few harsh slaps of reality in our childrens’ faces before they realize the error of their ways and return to what is right. Much like we are as children of God!

    I will hold you up in prayer! LOTS OF HUGS!

    ~ AMY ~

  11. I know that you don’t know me-I’m simply a lurker and sometimes commenter, but do know that you and your family are in my prayers. I will add Tanya and her family to my class’s prayer list.

    I know your heart must be broken into a million and one pieces, but we serve an awesome God. A God who works miracles in lives everyday, and he will be faithful to you and your family. It’s so hard to thank him in the bad times, but you can be thankful that you know where she is and that she is somewhat safe. I truly think that eventually she will realize what a huge mistake she has made and come back to your husband and you.
    In them meantime, please know that you have many people who love you and are praying for you. Even if we have never met face to face. You have people praying for you all over the country, and the power of prayer is a wonderful thing!
    God bless you and comfort you!

  12. Oh Chocolatechic, we grieve with you. I can’t even imagine how your heart must be broken right now. But remember that through your blog you have made some friends who are standing with you right now, who are praying for you and your family.
    We cannot understand all that you are going through, but you have a heavenly Father who understands perfectly. Continue to hold on to Him, and hold on to His promises, and we will continue to uplift you to Him.

  13. (((hugs)))……i’m in the “situation” with having 4 teenagers and the two older boys are not doing well right now.
    I am so blessed to be able to pray for you and your family as I know you will for others also.
    God Bless you hun and I feel the words from Army Mom are very wise!

  14. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope once she gets a taste of freedom and realizes how good she actually had it at home, she will return. I know I don’t know the circumstances but as a homeschool kid maybe she just felt a little sheltered. A chance to spread her wings a bit may be all she needs. Believe you raised her right and that she will not stray from what you have taught her, regardless of where she is living. You do know where she is, which is a blessing. I truely think things will work themselves out. Try to relax 🙂 Hugs

  15. Tanya, I just read my morning devotional and I had to share a thought with you that I hope provides you comfort…”Praying friends hold us up when we cannot stand on our own.” You have many “Internet friends” who are holding you up at this point in your life’s journey.

  16. Dear C.C
    I am one of your anonymous followers.I’m a terrible typist which is why I don’t leave a lot of comments.I have been reading your blog a long time because I find it so uplifting.You are able to take an ordinary life and make it magical because of your spirit of love and gratitude.Its enormously comforting!You are so consistent with your message.I wanted to thank you for that,because I am a total stranger to you yet by sharing your life with me, I see things in a more positive light.
    I am no stranger to daughters..I have a 32 year old,a 26 year old and next week my baby turns 21. They have been my lifes work and Let me tell you there were many times when I felt like my heart was laying in a pile of dust on the side of the road…but ..heres the good news …It always works out! They grow up,they pass through the hormonal,self actualization stage and in the end they turn out to not lose all the things you taught them.Its a rough ride, I know. .Its all going to be O.K. and nothing is ever quite as bad as it seems! Let yourself detach a little bit.Take a big breath and try and relax.It will only wear you out to stay in a state of emotional upset and it will not make her change her mind.In fact your need for her to comply with what you think is best may even make it worse.So… you chill, you rest ,you take care of you and remember God can Make ALL things work for the good!

  17. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
    Proverbs 22:6

    Tanya I’ve been reading your about your life as a home school mom since way back on the DY forums. You have been nothing if not consistent in your training. God’s promise above doesn’t say they will never stray it only promises that your hard work will be rewarded “when they are old.” I’m so sorry you have to go through this heartache! I’ll be adding my prayers to the rest for you and your family.

    April

  18. Try to take baby steps and begin to think of things that make you happy…things that make you smile and laugh. However small they may be…find a space in your heart to have gratitude, thankfulness, and love for these things. I don’t know you but I read your blog everyday and I can see all kinds of things…chocolate, pink, photograpy, food, cooking, a wonderful husband who has provided so much for your family, 2 beautiful kids who are now young adults with lives of their own, your dog and cat, the joy and satisfaction of homeschooling your children, blogging, a comfortable home, parents, a sister, a daughter-in-law, a daughter with a beautiful smile and a mind of her own…etc.

    Having two grown daughters who didn’t always follow my plans…it can be challenging. Just try to be there when she needs you with support and love. Remember she is grown…her world is different in her eyes than your plans for her. Just continue your job as a parent to an adult child…they are not always in your home or by your side obediently following your direction.

    This is your time to have for yourself…to grow as a mother of adult children and enjoy this new phase of life. Take a deep breath…and let go…your kids will continue to surprise you and bring you just as much joy as adults. Laugh…love…and live!

  19. I’m a lurker too. I read for the fabulous food pictures, the way to simplify and your wit. I think we have all noticed a change in your blog. Less light heartedness. And that’s ok! That’s life. With it’s ups and downs. I’m hurting for you. Our kids have the ability to give us the greatest pains and the greatest happiness that we have ever felt. I left home when I was 18 and married a boy who was 19 and I had only known a short time. My parents were scared to death. 17 years and two kids later, I still love that boy. (: I can guarentee that she hears your voice. Everywhere she goes and everything she does, there is memories of you. You are still with her even if she doesn’t think so or want it right now. She will remember her home as one of peace and safety and she will start missing that. And missing you.

  20. Tanya, first know that I truely feel your pain. I was where you are 19 years ago. And it was my only child. I thought I would die. Even at one point thought it would be for the best. But I have pulled myself up and gotten on with life. I will admit that there are days it hurts like well you already know. But it has brought my dh and I closer together. And we lean on each other and God even more now. Know you are not alone in this and I will pray for you as a mother that has been in those shoes and they do not fit well. Do not give up on your blog you will need an outlet. just post your heart if nothing else.

  21. I am sorry you are going through this. We must give our children space to try it on their own. Kirsten has grown up around good people(me included) She will be okay. She has lots of people lifting her up in prayer. God will put a hedge of protection around her. I love you and wish I was there so we could hug.

  22. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been going through such hardships. If you are still on speaking terms with your daughter, I hope that the two of you can have an open, honest conversation and figure out what it will take to make both of you happy in this circumstance. I will send good thoughts your way and hope that it works out for the best.

  23. I’ve been reading your blog for several years, but only rarely commenting. I just want to add my voice to those saying that I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. I join with them, also, in praying for you and Superman and for your precious daughter. Our God is awesome and powerful, and He knew the whole story of her life before it ever began. I will pray that she will be protected from harm, and that our merciful, loving Father will draw her back to Himself and to your home.

  24. Tanya, you know that our grandchildren are our pride and joy. Although what we are going through is difficult she will never do anything that would compromise our love for her. I miss her and I miss talking or texting her. One of the hardest things is to know she would rather be with a family she has only known a short time than with the ones who have loved her dearly from the day she was born. It will be hard that she will not be here for Thanksgiving, but I will still give praise because she is alive and you know where she is.

    It is hard as parents when our children go astray from our teachings. It hurts deeply when they say things that cut us to the heart and core of our very being. Daddy and I have put her in God’s hands, and we pray a hedge of protection around her. We are truly sorry you and Brad are traveling this road right now. Our hearts cry for you and Brad. No one wants their children to hurt, no matter what.

    The bible tells us to carry one another’s burdens and to cast all of our cares on Him, because he loves us. Through it all, we have a wonderful heavenly Father who cares and loves her more than we could possibly ever love her. Although we are certainly concerned for her, God has given us a peace. We are praying for you both. We love you.

  25. I am SO SORRY for all of the pain you are going through right now. There is no way to convey how much my heart hurts for you. My love and prayers are with you!

  26. I’ve been there and now my children are both responsible women, about your age. Oh the pain and heartbreak. You and your family are in our pryers.

  27. I am just getting to know you through FFwD, but I would hate it if you didn’t continue to blog or didn’t blog as often. I am so sorry to hear your news and I know you are feeling pretty low right now, but just let me tell you that I have had my share of sadness this past year and blogging has been my salvation, especially joining FFwd. It has given me other things to think about, a creative outlet, that has become incredibly important to me. I hope that you will find comfort in the blog world like I have.

  28. Oh sweetheart!

    I’m so sorry.

    These past few years there have been so many times when my battered heart has turned to God and asked, “How can I survive this?” – with fear, trepidation, dismay, sorrow, feelings of isolation. I’m going to be honest with you – I don’t know how I’ve survived any of these storms. I just know that I have to cling like crazy to God – sing praises at the top of my lungs (and I’m not so good!) – turn to those who are faithful to pray for prayer support – and allow my brokenness to be God’s.

    I don’t have any answers for you. I haven’t been where you are. But I watched my Mom’s heart break to bits when all of her children spare one walked away from God. She was faithful to God’s call. They rejected. My brother is serving life without the possibility of parole for a horrible murder. My sister is an alcoholic living with an abuser. My other brother is a meth addict. My youngest sib (adopted) is chemically dependent and a total mess.

    GOD IS FAITHFUL.

    Even when it seems impossible to weather the storm.

    The enemy wants us to turn AWAY from the Father when in truth the first thing we should do is turn into His ready embrace. the enemy starts with subtle lies – they work like poison, really – to discourage and lure us away from where TRUTH and STRENGTH and WHOLENESS and HEALING and – that thing that seems like shouldn’t exist when our hearts are so broken – JOY.

    I’m praying. For all of you. That God would be Mighty to Save in this season of life. That you would lean into His precious embrace and find His nearness. That your precious girl would realize that there is no one worth giving her heart wholly to other than Father God.

    If I can do anything – say the word. I mean it.

  29. I can hardly believe what I’m reading! Please know that you are not the only one to go through this. We, too, went through this. Any chance that bi-polarism might be playing a part in this?

  30. Tanya,
    I’m so sorry and truly admire you for sharing such a heartbreaking situation. Wait until you read the post that I’m working on…..sadly, I can so relate to children that you love and try to teach Godly values, and then have it fall flat. More words to come as soon as I get some sleep and catch up on my school work.

  31. I am so sorry you are going through this. Praying for you and your family.
    Is she talking to her brother? Maybe he can pound some sense in her. :/
    Wish there was something more I could do for you.

  32. I am so sorry. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I can feel your pain. My daughter ran away to elope. We talked her out of it, only to have her marry the man a few months later. It was a very difficult time. I learned alot about faith and trust. I will pray for you and your daughter.

  33. Tanya, I know I replied last week, don’t know what happened to it. I have been praying for you and your daughter to be able to communicate in love and my heart is just breaking for you.

  34. So sorry to hear, Tanya. You be strong and like you said, just love them. That is what kids with their own independence need most, to always know their parents love them and want them back whenever the need to come back.

  35. I am so sorry. This is a good lesson for all of us. Even the best of families is composed of imperfect people, and we all have problems regardless of what we look like to the outside world. I have been going through a similar situation, and I understand the heartache. I have been clinging to a prayer, which I now will pass along to you in hopes of bringing comfort to your heart. It is part of a prayer found in a book called AS WE UNDERSTOOD, and I have modified it to fit my own situation:

    “I cannot control or change my daughter, so I release her into Your care for Your loving hands to do with as you will. Just keep me loving and free from judging her. If she needs changing, God, You’ll have to do it; I can’t. Just make me willing and ready to be of service to You, to have my shortcomings removed, and to do my best.”

    I will be praying for you and your family.

  36. I wish I had some words of wisdom.

    I wish I could lessen your pain.

    Today I found this quote-and I thought I would share it with you.

    “Forever on Thanksgiving Day
    The heart will find the pathway home.”
    ~Wilbur D. Nesbit

    I am ALWAYS here for you if you EVER need me. Much love and hugs to you, CC. Hang in there.:)

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